Reiki, dance and gaining an understanding of her sexual energies leads a young woman to an unconventional career
GUEST COLUMN: SARAH MCCLURE, part 1 of 2 parts — Over time I have learned that sex has been a tremendous energetic focus in my life and one that I kept quite secret, even shamefully hidden.
During much of my adolescent and adult life I used my sexual energy to hook men’s attention — my way of searching for love in the world.
I eventually became aware that this was hugely depleting to my energy and created confusion and harm to myself and others.
When studying Tai chi with master Duff Doel, of Dundas, Ontario in the late ‘90s, I learned that there were some movements that I simply could not master due to my body posture. My teacher, who was also a Reiki master, offered to do Reiki on my sacral area.
In what seemed to be a very brief healing a huge shift occurred, one which changed my life. Up until this point, it felt normal for me to be in a state of constant subtle sexual stimulation. No wonder then that so much of my energy was spent on seeking gratification to relieve myself from this state of overstimulation.
Freedom from the “itch” of sexual desire
That summer, to my surprise, and relief, I experienced the first extended period of my life where I felt free from being driven by sexual desire. At the time I was in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, pouring myself passionately into the dance of the Celts.
When I questioned Doel on what the root of this manifestation in my body might have been, he stated that for some people, this stems from actual physical sexual abuse, and for many, it can simply be created by being in a sexually threatening environment.
For example, being in the presence of an uncle who spoke inappropriately can send our bodies into a protective mode, tilting the pelvis and subsequently creating a posture which produces constant sexual stimulation. Ironic, is it not?
What was spoken seemed to ring true for me. I had no memory of being sexually abused as a child. Interestingly enough, the example Doel chose to illustrate his point did connect with my family history. I have a memory of being in the presence of an uncle with whom I did not feel safe, and also I had concerns about my mother’s safety.
Could it be that I took on empathically through my little pre-pubescent body, my mother’s fear or subversive sexual titillation by my uncle?
My release into dance
When I began to believe that I couldn’t trust myself sexually, dance became my safe way of expressing my sensuality, moving my energy, and connecting spiritually. It felt so deeply safe and free of confusion. I poured myself into flamenco, modern, African, Cape Breton step, contact improv. This became my new focus that honored my sensuality, my rich and wild feminine expression.
When I became a teacher and leader in dance facilitation, I noticed that many people were experiencing very deep healing through my work with them. When I looked at it closely, I became aware that actually, it all seemed to be connected to sexual healing.
It would not be unlikely for a woman to break down and gush tears during some of the partner exercises I was leading. For some, this was such a powerful reminder of how they wished to be touched and held with such love, respect and tenderness. For some, the tears were about the sadness of leading a life devoid of sensuality when they knew deeply that this meant so much to them. For many, shutting down was the only known safe way.
Over time, I found out that I was actually using dance as a safe substitute for deep sexual intimacy, which I determined was hugely important in my life. This admission to myself was huge. My path led me to find ways to structure my life to invite in sacred sexual living that would be healthy and life-enhancing. I was being called to clear lifetimes of sexual guilt and unhealthy, destructive patterns related to sexual oppression and suppression.
My journey led me to answer the following questions: How could one live a life fully alive sexually, and be in alignment spiritually, and not cause harm to myself or others? Could this be possible in our modern day world so full of sexual taboo?
Sarah is a sacred sexual healer, enchantress, and dancing temple gypsy, with fairy roots who lives in Nova Scotia, Canada. If you are interested in learning more about Sarah’s work or have questions please send her an email with Penis Heart in the subject line.
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