Monday, September 25th 2017

My last tango with fear

A shamanic teacher visualizes her lifelong fear as if it were a dance partner. When she faces him, she discovers that he isn’t so scary after all

fearGUEST COLUMN: DAWN DANCING OTTER — Lately I have been noticing how the words ‘fear’ and ‘free’ are phonetically mirrored.

I have run from fear in my life, and it has been a repeating pattern of habitual behaviour. I felt the discomfort/pain of fear, and I began to to recede from my “presence”, and to hide beneath masks of a false self.

The illusion was: ‘I am becoming free from my fear by running and hiding. It won’t follow me or find me — I will just keep running . . . keep hiding’.

In this game, fear made the rules and called the tune.  And I danced to the beat of fear with my eyes closed.

I hated fear, and yet I allowed this tyrant to rule me in my hatred — deciding my actions before I made them, based on my emotional responses to his commands. He played me like a violin, like violence. In this song and dance, the words were sucked from my lips, the tears burned my eyes, my knees were bruised and scabby from alternately dancing and cowering on them.

And I was quite insane.

dancingThis continued until I had no choice but to turn around. I had outrun my comforts, and was in deep pain. Pain revealed to me that I was not becoming free from fear — that I was continually running towards it.

In my fear of fear, reacting in an equal and opposite direction —  never free to decide, always acting based on the drama that fear had presented, I realized that I had created a universe of fear. There was no running from what surrounded me. Fear was my home, and when I decided to own my home, I could finally see that there were doors and windows.

That day, I opened the door, and, fear and I had tea together.

He was smaller in stature than I had imagined — his hands veiny and cold, his frame was emaciated from all the exercise he got from running after me. I sat with fear and really heard him, really felt him, really engaged him. He asked me to simply listen to him — he had a message, and could not understand why I continually ran and hid from him.

Fear was so excited that I had finally invited him in to share with me. He reached into his letter bag, pulled a small envelope from it, and handed it to me.

‘Someone who loves you wrote this to you’, he said.

I opened it, shaking with excitement.

The message read, ‘Dawn Dancing Otter is free’.

The lesson I learned in this dance — fear is freedom unrealized. The words are mirrors, and so is the consciousness.

Thank you, fear.

dawnsmallDawn Dancing Otter is revealing the unknown through motherhood, Quantum Shamanic Transformation, Soul Alchemy, and Ecstatic Dance in Penticton BC.

Visit her on Facebook. Read Dawn’s most recent Soul’s Code article: An Unlikely Love Connection.

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4 Comments on “My last tango with fear”

  1. Thank you, Dawn. I get that just trying to run from or suppress fear doesn't work. But I'm having trouble understanding "fear is freedom unrealized". Could you guide me through this a little more. Thank you,

  2. In my experience, David, when I invite fear in, to really experience it without running or trying to change it...I find out the truth, and then I can experience the release of the fear. (so freedom is realized)
    Fear is just a place of not knowing. Knowing comes from allowing the experience to unfold the truth.
    Fear, on the basest levels, is a gift, it gives us the ability to act when we are in 'danger' - like a warning. Mastery of myself, to me, is the place of allowing fear to inform, not shut me down, which means I need to listen to it, not run from it. In this way, fear simply reveals the path to freedom.

  3. Thinking about what I fear, or what repulsed me, often tells me deep truths about myself. If I dislike fat people, or unattractive people, or poor people, it may reveal hidden truths about myself. Or on the other hand if I put down intellectuals or the wealthy, that might mean something as well!

    Often what we are repulsed by, or attracted to, in others, can give us deep insights about our own lives and motivations.

    Thanks for another thoughtful piece Dawn. I love your writing!

  4. Thank you, again, Dawn. That clarifies and enriches what i understood from your article.

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