Tuesday, August 22nd 2017

Are you loving your “story” too much?

What is your “story”? It’s a self-image, and self-talk that we repeat to ourselves internally and to others in conversation

storybookGUEST COLUMN: GINA LAKE — People don’t just have ideas and self-images about themselves; they have stories.

These stories come up repeatedly in internal self-talk or conversation with others. They are easy to identify: like any story, they have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and usually something tragic about them.

Most have a “poor-me” or “isn’t it awful” quality about them, but others serve to glorify the self. Some change or disappear over time, while others endure for a lifetime. The stories we are most identified with have strong feelings attached to them. They have an emotional charge that we and others feel when we tell them, and they tend to trigger emotionally charged stories in others.

This often becomes the basis for relating to others, the means of sharing.

Sharing this way is often thought of as intimacy, but this is a false intimacy because it’s a sharing of the false self — the ego. True intimacy is a sharing of ourselves from the level of essence. This is a totally satisfying experience, accompanied by love, joy, acceptance, and peace.

wonderwoman1When we are in essence, it feels like all is right with the world and with others. The feeling is the opposite when we share from the egoic level through a story. It’s one of contraction and tension, and negative feelings and fear are usually stirred up in ourselves and others.

Identifying the stories you tell about yourself is important because they keep the ego alive. They keep you identified with the you that you are pretending to be. In getting over your stories, the hurdle isn’t in identifying these stories, because that’s easy to do, but in breaking our attachment to them. We love our stories.

We love them because they give the ego a sense of reality and, particularly, a sense of being special.

Both tragic and heroic stories serve this purpose. They give us a sense of being a unique person — and we are. There’s nothing wrong with being unique, but we aren’t special in this uniqueness, at least no more than anyone else.

An exercise to help you become free of your stories

Notice the energy around I when you are talking with someone. When you say I, it is usually charged with emotional excitement. The I loves to talk about itself. It can hardly wait until the other person is done before it explains how it is for itself.

man-and-megaphoneWhen you feel this energy around I, you can be sure that the I is telling a story. You can use these cues to become free of your story. Notice what makes up the story because that will tell you about your conditioning, and also notice the energy behind it. What is that? What’s behind that energy, that drive, to speak about yourself? That’s the ego.

Once you see the story for what it is — the ego’s attempt to be special — it becomes easier to let it go. However, you have to see this and be willing to let it go.

You have to be willing to forgo the payoff of being special. What do you get in exchange? You get your real self. You return to essence. Once you experience this enough times, it isn’t so difficult to let go of the story. Resting in essence is much more pleasant than ego-identification.

Being identified with the ego and its stories doesn’t feel good. You love your stories and they make you suffer.

When you are done with your stories, the reward is the peace and love you were seeking all along.

ginaGina Lake is an awakened teacher who is devoted to helping others wake up through counseling, intensives, and her many books. She has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology, and has over twenty years experience supporting people in their spiritual growth.

Visit Gina at Radical Happiness and check out her Facebook group.

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8 Comments on “Are you loving your “story” too much?”

  1. Gina, Your Radical Happiness is a great cue. Evocative invitation. Love this:

    "These stories come up repeatedly in internal self-talk or in conversation with others. They are easy to identify: like any story, they have a beginning, a middle, and an end .. ."

  2. I've heard time and again that in order to find what you really want you have to be willing to let go of what you think you want. This I believe is just another layer or part of that process. Gina, your words hit a resonating chord for me. I have let go of so many stories in my life. I still have more to work on. I am beginning to see more and more how the word "Stories" seems to be a much nicer and more positive spin on what we call baggage. I've found that finding the positive angle makes most things a little easier to deal with. Thank you Gina for sharing your article.

  3. What you said--"I’ve found that finding the positive angle makes most things a little easier to deal with." Is so true. I've mentioned in my books many times that it's easier to detach and become free of a positive mind than a negative one, which is why some healing or transformation of one's thinking is often necessary to be able to drop into the moment (Essence, or Presence) and stay there. Negative thoughts and feelings are compelling and difficult to ignore, while positive ones help us drop into Essence, and they may even come from Essence. The good news is we have the ability to reprogram our minds and to choose to ignore negative thoughts or replace them with positive ones.

  4. Dear Gina, this is powerful work - and it meshes with an even bigger picture that I have come to understand in detail - what awaits us at the end of 2012.
    What you are speaking of helps prepare for this unimaginable shift in human consciousness that will transform life as we know it this planet.
    You may like to check it out at the above website.

  5. Dear Gina,
    Thank you for your honest, direct exposition of what has long been known as egoic dissolution. When we finally drop our stories, remember that the 'who' we are is not limited to this body, this life, these self-identified energies, we begin to wake up, to be free.

    May Every Blessing Find You,

  6. Gina's article is great, I agree totally with what she says!!!

    Giving up our "stories" is such a liberating act...and I've read the article about Hillman's book.

    His theory is pretty interesting, too.

    Thanks for your precious work!!! :)

  7. Gina,

    I've really been enjoying your articles on Facebook. I agree with pretty much everything you said.

    It does seem like stories can still be life-serving if they are continually evolving and if the "story" is "my continuing journey out of ego and back to God."

    It's just that this kind of story has a very different energetic resonance. I'm no longer special, I'm returning to Oneness. And everyone is returning to Oneness with me.


  8. This is a great article...now if only I can put these theories to use in my personal life :)

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