Tuesday, August 22nd 2017

Love is a verb. So, let’s DO it.

Forget what you’ve learned about romance on “reality” shows like The Bachelor. Here are five tips on how to love in the real world.

bachelorGUEST COLUMN: PHYLLIS KING — Love is an all-inclusive vibration — it is an action word.

Although it is not a feeling per se, we can create a feeling of adoration and appreciation for others.

We all need to be aware that we are programmed by the external culture to believe love requires no effort, is a passive activity, and is simply just sex and romance.

Case in point: the incredible popularity of TV shows such as ABC’s  The Bachelor (the latest Bachelor is pictured at left) and  The Bachelorette.

Back in the real world. . .I often give psychic readings to people whose difficulties in their relationship space create an acute painfulness for them. Many times, the pain is perceived pain caused by the person’s perception of the situation.

It is the expectation we put on ourselves and others that often causes this discomfort. When our partner does not mirror our expectation back to us, we feel defeated and rejected. From that place of defeat and rejection, we jump to the conclusion that we have chosen the wrong person. We feel pain.

love-couplesmallMost often, although not always, when challenges arise in a relationship, these are the most beautiful opportunities for us to grow, and for true intimacy to find its roots in our lives. We need to move away from judging what our relationship “looks” like and define it from the inside out. When our perceptions shift like this, our judgments dissipate, and we feel much more peaceful about our relationship and our life.

Think about your expectations regarding love and what you may be projecting onto your partner. Love is all encompassing and unconditional. Are you that in your relationship?

It is best, when challenges arise, to look at yourself first to resolve your own conflict, your own judgment, and to alter your own perception about what relationships are, and meant to be. The universe mirrors back to us what we are contributing to it. If we are contributing control, expectation, and lack of trust, that is what we will receive.

Relationships should provide companionship, pleasure, and joy. They are also the greatest and most powerful vehicle we will ever have to heal our own wounds and judgments.

When you begin to live love as an action statement, your relationship begins to take on a different feel and purpose.

Five ways to improve your love relationships

1. Move away from external programming that tells you what your relationship should look like, or what it should be doing for you. This is a personal individual process. There is no rule or benchmark for what is right or wrong (excepting abuse and addictions).

2. Look at challenges as opportunities for you to grow and for true intimacy to take root in your life

3. Enjoy your partner unconditionally.

4. Develop your internal courage to identify the flaws in your thinking and perceptions.

5. All relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. That is not a failure. That is growth.

phyllismallPhyllis King’s latest book is A Psychic Perspective, 10 Steps to More Love, Wealth and Personal Happiness.  Read Phyllis’ previous article on Soul’ Code: An incest survivor’s six steps to triumph over adversity.

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7 Comments on “Love is a verb. So, let’s DO it.”

  1. Speaking of active love, I love this essay and five-step guide. And share the same experience that the universe around us and intimate relationships are inexorably populated by the content residing in our own psyches, secret and otherwise :)

    We welcome your voice on Soul's Code, and wanted to note another who echoes your views: James Hollis in The Eden Project; The Search for the Magical Other.

    Here's a question: when you retreat into rest and reflection, what happens to your work and collaborative goals in the world?

    The universe mirrors back to us what we are contributing to it. If we are contributing control, expectation, and lack of trust, that is what we will receive.

    Does anything get "done"? The most mystical works of art, music and literature may reflect channeling from a source of knowing beyond a personal self and ego but they still require human *doing* in form.

  2. Love is something we ARE and not something we have to get or achieve. When we fall in love with ourselves, others will fall in love with us because love attracts love.

    Love is pure energy (God's spirit) Love is patience, accepting, receiving and giving unconditionally to one self and others, and that is what I experience most of the time. Love is the energy that holds the whole universe together.
    However, love can be also is a matter of perception, remembering who we are or what our parents have passed on onto ourselves.

    Hugs, Carlos

  3. Does the hot summer love in the air bring a love relationship? Send one this way (:

  4. Love is a flow, of being part of something much bigger than you, of being open to letting that love flow into all that you are and all that you do. Love is endless giving and receiving without measure, of being love, of loving love. By living love you are love. By living love you gift love. Love is action. Love is how you live moment to moment. Love is the sun in your heart that shines on everything before you. Love is...aaah....love.

  5. These, I must say, are all excellent tips about love and thank you for posting.

    Am also an Intuitive and would like to suggest another tip about love here if I may:

    As a couple, keep a sense of humor about it all (life, your relationship, the fights, the world, faults, ups & downs, etc.) because this can greatly soften things and keep it all in perspective, no matter what happens along the way.

    Reason? A shared sense of humor for a couple greatly helps in keeping your hearts open to one another which means the love will still flow and that it will continue to lead the way.

    blessings*, Shanti

  6. To my mind, love is the ability to let go and let others Be! - the absence of an ego and the desire to POSSESS !

  7. One of my favorite subjects!

    Over the years, I've learned that the healthiest way for me to think of love is to remember that it is not so much a feeling as it is a decision to become a positive presence in someone's life. So much of what I've called love has been hormones or ego or even fear (of loss, for example). So many actions I've taken in the name of love have actually been attempts to control and/or to avoid pain.

    But when I love, I am choosing to accompany someone on their journey and to make positive contributions to their journey whenever I can do so without causing pain/harm to myself or others. I choose to offer my thoughts as blessings. I choose to nurture. I choose to allow that person to grow and to allow that person to contribute to my growth.

    That, to me, is the essence of love.

    And thank you so much for opening this discussion.


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