My world is perfectly designed for me, perhaps yours is too
BY DAVID RICKEY — Sometime in high school I decided that I could do anything I wanted to, as long as I was willing to accept the consequences. It was a somewhat naïve and “adolescent” choice, but it has stuck with me.
However, my awareness has deepened considerably, and the truth behind that choice has become richer and more complex. I still believe that I am a completely free agent, meaning that my choices are my own. I bear responsibility for them and for the resulting “events.”
I am now aware that there is a more primal and profound energy behind my being here that, although it doesn’t direct or control my choices, exercises an amazingly mysterious and wonderful power.
While I make my own choices, the situations that present themselves to me as a result are “designed” to teach me what I need to know, with the purpose of furthering the evolution of consciousness within me, and to a certain degree through me to the planet.
The world “in front of my eyes” (to borrow language from Caroline Myss) presents experiences to me that reflect the issues “behind my eyes” — the issues that I need to face and to grow through.
For example, if I have issues of control (which I do, in spades!) the external world keeps presenting experiences that frustrate my attempts to control, which bring a painful realization of both the futility of my trying and the consequences on others of my attempts.
When I feel the need for intimacy with an “other”, I discover that that is impossible when I am trying to control that “other.” The world either brings me others who allow my control but then express often suffocating dependency, or others who resent my control and go away. Those who have stayed have managed to teach me lessons in relaxing my need to control. I’m learning, albeit slowly.
I am discovering that my life experiences are perfectly tailored to the issues I have. It is as if my world is designed for just me. Now that sounds narcissistic, but when I consider the larger truth that “all is one”, then it makes sense.
In fact, my level of consciousness, and the issues that are mine at this level, actually work with “Consciousness” to create experiences that push me to grow. I create my world, and through this mystery of Consciousness, rather than creating one that feels good and joyful and “perfect for me”, I create one that forces, or at least challenges, me to look deeper within and do the inner work in order to grow and evolve.
I believe that this is what Karma is — the Universe giving each of us the experiences to learn what we need to learn. We make a choice and receive back a Karmic consequence, not as punishment or reward but as a lesson or a “promotion” to the next level of growth.
This work isn’t just for my benefit. It is my piece of the work of this project called “The Evolution of Consciousness.” My world gives me my work. Your world gives you your work. Together we inch towards higher consciousness. This shift in awareness is happening so that I am learning to shift my questioning from “Why is this happening to me?” to Why is this happening to me?”
The effect of this shift is very interesting. Instead of reacting immediately to an event, usually with an ego-driven response, I am learning to watch the ego’s reaction and then ask, “What’s the lesson for my soul in this?” I am also delighting in how perfectly the external world seems to mirror my issues. OK, not always!
I still get caught up in resentments and angers and fears. But more often than before, I am able to step back from those feelings and look for lessons with a certain level of gratitude for this amazing “system.” I am learning to acknowledge those resentments, angers, and fears as my issues and know (or try to see) that I am being given lessons, actually lovingly, with great wisdom and care, perfectly designed to move me along on my journey.
I can sometimes even laugh.
I am sensing that each present moment is exactly right for where I am at that present moment. It’s not always (or even often) fun. Sometimes it is quite painful. But the sense that I am not being attacked or mistreated by my world, but nurtured, gives me a deep sense of rightness, of meaning, or purpose. I am even beginning to learn patience. If I am not getting what I want right now, I am getting the lessons and the support to grow into being able to receive what I really need in the future.
I have already seen how when I got what I thought I wanted in the past, I somehow managed to mess it up. Then it seemed like I was being fooled by the world in front of my eyes. I now believe that, in reality, the world behind my eyes was trying to show me how I had to evolve.
And it’s not all so bleak as this might sound. First, knowing that there is a wisdom behind what is happening makes it easier to receive the experience. Second, there is also the Karmic play which brings, if not reward, great encouragement to keep working. When I am able to make wiser choices, the universe responds with supportive and even delightful synchronicities, which bring great joy in the moment and also remind me to look for the wiser choice with the hope of yet another delight.
That’s why I laugh, because sometimes I can see how perfectly it is all arranged. It’s not a play, pre-written or scripted. It is a delightful and indeed lovingly playful dialogue between my inner self and the larger SELF. Or me and my incredibly wise guardian angel. A much richer reality behind the day to day “reality” I thought I lived in.
David Rickey is an Episcopal priest, Soul’s Code co-founder and counselor in San Francisco who does a weekly ministry at a residence for the elderly in northern California. Follow David on Twitter.
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