Tuesday, October 17th 2017

How to forgive ourselves for that dumb relationship we’ve all had

Love can be blind, deaf and mute and take us places we’d never take our friends — places of abuse, obsession and despair. Here’s how to make a full recovery.

GUEST COLUMN: JEANINE AUSTIN — What were you thinking? You’ve really let yourself down, perhaps not for the first time. The sting of being foolish can hurt; often destroying your self confidence and frequently leaving you feeling bitter, angry, and afraid to trust.

In Jungian psychology, the archetype of “The Fool” has an unconscious lack of power and seeks to gain power through erroneous channels. The Fool may seek to find strength through forces outside him/herself such as a relationship, money, or any kind of worldly power.

As a life coach, hypnotherapist, and friend, I have witnessed how often women give their power away. Many times they give their power over to a man or set of circumstances, leaving them without discretion, perspective or the life force to take care of and honor themselves.

Many of these women have asked: “How could he (or they) do this to me?”

In our despair, we may overlook asking: “How or why did we do this to ourselves?”

And maybe an even more important question could be asked: “How can we choose differently next time from a place of alignment, self love and clarity?”

Lessons from our inner idiot

Colossal relationship mistakes are part of being human. When we have been foolish, a light is shone on the places where we might expand, become more conscious and more loving.

Acting out The Fool offers us an opportunity to love ourselves beyond our choices and not to over-identify with our foolishness. We may acknowledge we have been foolish, but we can also recognize that we are so much more than a fool.

The Fool experience can also help us to become more compassionate. Rather than pointing an accusing finger at others, we can, especially when the memories of our own folly are still fresh in our minds, recognize that we all fall down at times.

A benevolent and useful aspect of The Fool is “The Clown”. The clown archetype can help us to laugh and to be light about our challenge. The clown can facilitate us moving through resentment and help us to find levity in our own folly.

Damned Fool: Use it, then lose it

1. Remember, EVERYBODY plays The Fool sometimes. You are not alone.

2. Try not to over-identify with The Fool archetype by thinking it is all that you are. Along the same lines, don’t over-identify with the behavior that led you to believe you are The Fool. If your answer to the question: “Tell me about yourself.” is a story about having been betrayed, abandoned and mislead, etc. find a more self actualizing response.

3. Learn from The Fool. It can be a great teacher for us by shinning its light on places where we can explore our growth and development. Maybe we need to love our self more, be less impulsive or become more discerning.

4. Allow The Fool archetype to help you be more compassionate towards others when they act foolish. An empowering mantra might be, ‘So hum, hum so.’ (I AM that).

5. Utilize The Fool’s aspect of the clown to make light of our folly to gain perspective, become gentle with ourselves and others and begin again.

dr-jeanineDr. Jeanine is a Doctor of Life Coaching and a certified hypnotherapist who has nearly 25 years experience in working in people-helping professions.  She has a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in clinical social work and a doctorate in life coaching, graduating Summa cum Laude. To contact Dr. Jeanine please complete a welcome package and return via email.

Read Dr. Jeanine’s previous articles for Soul’s Code: Questing for compassion and How I deal with the pain of separation and saying goodbye.

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6 Comments on “How to forgive ourselves for that dumb relationship we’ve all had”

  1. Beautiful article, thanks for this, I need it right now in my life. It's hard to move on when we've allowed another to treat us badly. I wish they would teach this kind of stuff in school to kids! Especially to girls and young women!

  2. This topic NEVER gets old!

  3. Another great article, Jeanine! Thanks for your compassionate insight. Love you!

  4. what magic to allow oneself to be "a holy fool for love" thank you!

  5. Been there, done that, yuck! I'm still forgiving myself. Wonderfully uplifting article, thank you!

  6. "Be gentle with yourself "
    I remember when you said it to me while helping me to go through a breakup a year ago...
    I'm glad you wrote it here. The fool came back again and needed to be reminded to be gentle to myself .Thank you.

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