Monday, September 25th 2017

Apologies to the Divine Feminine (from a warrior in transition)

A former criminal lawyer makes his peace with the divine feminine and urges other men to do the same

GUEST COLUMN BY JEFF BROWN (part one of two parts) — I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior from the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion dealing with the battlefields of yore. When I opened my heart too wide, I was vulnerable to attack from warring factions.

I was conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused, prepared for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others from attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and eradicated the bridge between our hearts. I am seeing this now. . . and I am sorry.

I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner absence, my inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by unresolved emotions that I did not have the tools to work through. I still lack many of these tools, but I am open to their emergence.

Relationship vs War

I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war. Like a warrior in enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your life in the night, plundering and selfishly taking what I needed, then crawling back to the other side of the abyss with the spoils. I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of love waiting on the other side of the battlefield. I now recognize that love is the antidote for the armored warrior, but I could not drink the antidote in my driven state.

I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage and unshed tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is not, I could not see myself either. I saw only that which served my hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My mirror was a battlefield.

I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven tyrannies, my obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that accumulation would protect me and those close to me, but I failed to recognize that it just perpetuated the madness.

My cocky ego. . . exposed

I also apologize for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own misguided ego, pumped up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn’t distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy ego. I went much too far in the wrong direction.

I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected from the heart. I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of our souls along the heart-genital highway. But there were too many defenses around my heart, and no bridge could form between our souls. There were moments when your loving ways freed me from my body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-fire. I am sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the path to God.

I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my own congealed rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies from friends. There are no words that can undo what I have done in those moments of madness. I know this, I do. I would hide my face in shame, but that won’t make things better. I need to own my misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to move from a more loving place.

I call out to other male warriors to be accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is self-hating, but in a way that is courageously self-honest and genuinely compassionate. The heartfelt warrior acknowledges the error of his ways, and has the courage to do all he can to make amends over time.

Read part two of this series: A warrior’s guide to developing a conscious relationship.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation, recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass, Soulshaping is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at

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17 Comments on “Apologies to the Divine Feminine (from a warrior in transition)”

  1. Wow, my FB relationship astrologers just trashed you! They are hating on the Goddess so hard, they don't even know what they are doing. So I said, "If you use the Mars archetype to represent the second chakra and call it "humanity" then you can read the whole article as an apology from humankind to Mother Earth. Maybe you could see its beauty if you did that."

    Anyway, it is a beautiful sentiment, given, I am sure on many levels. Congratulations.

  2. Hallelujah!
    Your apology is received with open arms!
    I am inspired to do the same....make my apologies
    to the the Divine Masculine....the Sacred Warrior...
    within and without.

    Be blest!

  3. As a woman who has loved more than one warrior bastard in this lifetime (and countless past lifetimes), and continues to keep trying to find real intimacy with a man ready to put down his armor, I thank you for this historical, ground-breaking apology. It made me cry, tears of old hurt finally acknowledged, tears of relief that maybe men are starting to get it, and tears of forgiveness.

    You, Jeff Brown, are very brave to publish this. If I may be so bold as to speak for the collective Divine Feminine: We forgive you.

  4. Um... yeah. Personally, after a lifetime of experiencing male brutality, domination and unvarnished male privilege, I'm gonna have to say that forgiveness is truly a moot point here.

    If you live within a privileged realm of any kind, you cannot possibly comprehend the world of those you are oppressing. Period. The best thing you can do, is remove yourself from their presence. Leave them in peace, for chrissakes! Do you really think a former slave desires a polite and politically correct conversation with his or her master? No, and again, NO!

    I so tired of all the New Age blather. It doesn't allow for women to process the rage that is rightfully theirs after suffering extreme abuse. I absolutely do not have time for the warrior, the 'sensitive' warrior, the 'enlightened' CEO or any of their ilk. They will never 'get it.' How could they ever hope to? The paradigm must be mercilessly decimated. It's the only way for a new energy to emerge. Yes, it's a 'painful process' in New Age speak, but it seems to be the only way. The point of social revolution of any kind never was to pat dictators and oppressors on the back. The true spirit of revolt is an unwillingness to be grateful for crumbs in prison conditions. You all want to suck up to the patriarchy? Feel free to, if you love crumbs... I for one, want more for myself and my loved ones.

  5. I apologise for being crass, but "Divine Feminine"? Sounds like something a guy would say to get pussy, to be honest.

    I am not the least bit divine. I am a human being, and I don't need a "benevolent warrior"; that's just another condescension.

    What is this "river of love" of which you speak, my friend? You are not the warrior here; I am. Because I have had to be. Come back when you have walked a mile in some divine feminine shoes, yo!

  6. Forgiveness is never a moot point, Hekate. I do not see any new age blather in Jeff's piece. It feels very solid to me and a good starting point. Your rage is justified at the brutality of man, but your cynicism sustains the problem and doesn't leave us room to grow.

  7. Oh Karen, how very brainwashed you are. Go grow some pretty flowers in that shiny New Age skull of yours, as that's all it's apparently useful for.

  8. Fede, you are pure awesomeness! Tell 'em like it is girl! They sure have some waking up to do. Like some New Age zombies are really going to help us with age old problems...

  9. As a brother and a fellow sacred masculine warrior in transition your words and apologies resonate with me. I too have been called to examine the way I have used my masculine physical power to get my way - to step up to a higher level of being.

    To rebut a previous comment - New paradigms are not born out of a vacuum. They start with a few brave souls standing up and speaking out when they see how the old is not working for them and the world. If they survive the burning at the stake more are inspired to speak out until a ground swell of energy causes a sudden mass shift into the new paradigm.

    I am with you Jeff in making my apologies.

  10. You'd sound more real to me and have a better chance of apology being accepted if you confessed your concrete crimes, not some "violent acts." Dare you to name what you did and to whom, i.e. "Susan, I told you I loved you just to get in your pants and I screwed your best friend, Sally, and then I hit you when you found out and got mad at me. And yes, I will pay you the money it cost you to go to the ER and miss work and in addition make a sizable donation to the local woman's crisis center." Now THAT is a real apology!!! Otherwise, i agree with Fede.

  11. Forgiveness in this instance must be earned. Just because the writer is saying something that few men do (for fear of being ostracized by the patriarchs) does not make him a hero.

    Go out and get you hands dirty, man. Brave the macho boys and make some impact. Raise some money for women's shelters. Write pieces about feminist consciousness DIRECTED AT MEN and work you warrior ass of to get them published in mainstream publications.

    Step up and act and quit wasting time trying to appeal to our mothering instincts.

  12. Some of the harsher remarks on this post are living proof of why apologies are in order. There is so much armour, and so much old pain, that even well intentioned efforts to apologize are met with disdain. My response is to apologize again, for anything my gender has done to erect such barriers to dialogue and connectiveness.

  13. I think Jeff's had too many hugs.

    No really, to apologize for an actual incident is one thing, but this is a list of new age key words designed to take up space while saying nothing.

    You want to apologize for being a jerk to your wife or making a woman uncomfortable during an elevator trip, go for it.

    But to blame all your problems on your gender is just a cop out and one more "egoic abuse" you can apologize for in some future article.

  14. Thank you for that!!!

    That's what I should hear from my ex..
    I will email it to him, maybe he will understand one day, I hope.

    Thank you :-)

  15. Whether or not it's Jeff's place or privilege to make this apology, I for one, am touched by it.

    I say it touches me because of how I felt as I read it - the effect it had on the sore places within me that I have only recently come to see, are there because of the attitudes of men which are echoed in this article.

    I'm grateful to hear a man speak these words of kindness, regret, apology and acknowledgment since the actual men who have hurt me, may never do that. It helps to see that there are men who are seeing this error in behavior and attitude and are at least willing to do SOMETHING to express this. Whatever wave it creates can only be of service to women.

    Thank you Jeff

  16. Thank you Jeff for writing what you wrote. It touched me. I am going to show it to my partner so that we can both benefit from the healing of it.

    I am lucky enough to have had this said in person to me by a man and I know first hand the power of it. It allowed me to start considering dropping my own armour. And even allow my own heart to open enough to be touched again in its vulnerable places. The problem is that the armour is thick and that there are still some places where I would rather hit out at men than feel the pain of my own wounds.

    I have just come back from a conference with 800 women - mainly senior in the corporate world. We talked a lot about our feminine leadership and what it needed to look like going forward - especially in terms of how to evolve our partnership with men. There was not one new age woman in sight - all successful, intelligent, grounded women.

    We all agreed that the armours don't work and that it is our feminine qualities of empathy, love, care and intuition that are the most needed in our world right now. The question is whether we can find it in ourselves to bring it. There was a lot of exploration on how to step into our own feminine leadership in a healthy collaborative way. There is still a long way to go but at least we are having the conversation. And it is inspiring to see that as we take a step, men are also starting to make their own journey back to us.

    For my part I would like to apologise to you and all the men in my life for all the times when... I wasn't brave enough to bring the love that was needed and I acted on my wounds instead...when I chose attack over bonding and intimacy...independence over partnership...being right over care and vision...stayed in my head rather than opening my heart...stayed tough when it was my vulnerability and my humanity that were needed. We don't have it all right as women either. Some of us recognise that and are also working on it too.

    Take care and thank you for being a brave warrior of the heart - taking the first step towards peace often takes much more courage than continuing the war.


  17. @ Jeff: A genuine apology is a good start for making up after many wrong-doings. I am not interested in as many details as Pearl, but I give you the benefit of the doubt that you have done genuine apologies to individuals that you have done wrong to, while you look them in the eye. In that case I can only congratulate you.

    A genuine apology is an important, but sometimes difficult step for making things better. And making things better can't be that bad, right?

    Overall, I agree with Louise: both genders have their areas of improvement and should keep an open eye on things that each of us can do better...and that does of course include myself :-)

    @ Paul: Jeff might have had a few hugs to many recently, but it sounds like you could have done with a few more!! ;-)

    @ Hekate: It sounds to me that you have had some very bad experiences with men. I wish for you that you meet a man that can show you another, more gentle side of men. I wish that you recognise him, walk a bit with him and see if and how you two can make things better.

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