Monday, September 25th 2017
Jan
2010
10

A Soul’s Code smackdown: Obama vs. Jesus

On the first anniversary of Obama’s inauguration, we decode the rookie president’s Jesus myth. A top 10 list of the differences between the two saviors

obama-chosen-one.jpgSOUL’S CODE — Here, we come to the aid of all spell-bound Americans who, with the help of the media and Soul’s Code itself, once blurred the lines between Obama and Christ.

Thus, we name the Top 10 differences between the president and the real Jesus:

1. According to the Mormons, Jesus Christ lived in North America hundreds of years ago, and is due back for a “second coming.” Obama was born in Hawaii; everyone, possibly even Sarah Pallin, knows that Hawaii’s not in North America.

michelle-obama-dress-300×400.jpg2. Jesus didn’t deign to dance, even when they played the flute for him (Matthew 11:17). Obama, on the other hand, enjoys shaking what God gave him, as the president-elect did to a Beyonce tune on the Ellen Degeneres Show.

3. Like his mother, Jesus was a virgin.  Obama has had sex, at least twice.

4. Jesus had John the Baptist, an ascetic who was the first Christian martyr, as his personal guru. Obama had Rev. Jeremiah Wright, a televangelist impersonator who took the Lord’s name in vain in church.

obama-water.jpg5. When Obama draws large crowds he does not walk on water. But when his fans faint, he does give them water. The bottled kind. (Picture, left, after two spectators faint at a rally in October, 2008.)

6. Obama studied law, edited the Harvard Law Review, practiced law, taught law — and married a lawyer. Jesus said, “First thing, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Oh, wait . . . Oops, that was Shakespeare.

7. Speaking of lawyers, say Jesus had earned a law degree. Like Obama. There’s no way that Pontius Pilate could have crucified him like he did. At least, not on a Friday. The appeal alone would have taken years.

8. Thus said Obama: “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” As a kosher Jew, J.C. would never have dreamed of putting a pig in drag — or dine on swine, politically speaking.

9. J.C. *knew* that he was the son of the one and true God. But in October, 2008 at a bipartisan fundraiser in New York City Obama confessed, as rival McNasty looked on:

democratic-donkey.gif

Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-el, to save the planet Earth. (Minute 6:00, in the video link).

10. Jesus rode on the back of an ass (rhymes with honkey) into the capital of his country. An ass (right) rode on Obama’s back into D.C.

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7 Comments on “A Soul’s Code smackdown: Obama vs. Jesus”

  1. this article is getting lots of feedback from a facebook posting...check out the comments here.

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=683856586&ref=name#/topic.php?uid=2231653698&topic=71904&ref=mf

  2. Obama has so much to live up to...I hope he is given a chance to make some positive changes. And i hope he gets a pound puppy for his kids, not a purebred!

  3. It will be very interesting to observe the hoop-la when Obama is inaugurated in January. I hear that the groundswell of people that actually voted him in will not even be able to afford to get anywhere near Washington since rooms are going for $1500 per night and in most hotels you have to stay for a three night minimum.

    I'm sure Oprah will be as close to him as she can get.

  4. Dumb article. Waste of time writing it. Bigger waste of time reading it! Inappropriate nonsense.

  5. This article is a good example of the depths to which so-called "spirituality" (pseudo-spirituality) has sunk. Let Obama be the best human leader he can be. And, the author of the article should stick to writing things on bathroom stalls.

  6. Yes, what has come of your "spirituality". This article limits the author and all who don't know better. Who cares who thinks Obama is better than Jesus. Jesus was fundamentally no different than any of us, simply more in tune to the right frequency. Surrender to the enthusiasm surrounding Obama...it's a good thing!!!!

  7. Personally I loved the article. It is good humor while addressing the many (yes I have received them myself) emails going around stating Obama thinks he is Jesus. The way I look at it, it is about time we have a compassionate leader in the White House. Perhaps he is truly turning it from the Dark House it has been for the last few decades into a White house we can really count on.

    Jesus was an amazing human (yes he was human) and looked out for those who had a hard time looking out for themselves. Funny how so many people (that have to send out nasty emails that declare Obama thinks he is Jesus) are afraid of what that may really mean in the long term!!

    Hmmmmm.....

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