An Awakening coach urges men to cast off their relationship fears and open their hearts to the delicious rewards of woman-worship
GUEST COLUMN: ARJUNA ARDAGH, part 1 of a 3 part series — A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post on Facebook before going to bed:
“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the sat guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”
When I woke up the next morning, there were the love offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on Facebook:
“Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I’m] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don’t, or instead to decide that, ‘I want that too,’ and, as you show, it is possible. . .
I was touched.
Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing:
“I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it.”
So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it’s the wisest thing that a man can do.
First of all, let’s pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I’m familiar with all of them.
1. “I’m wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine.”
So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine. The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds.
2. “Arjuna, you’re lucky. You’ve got an incredible partner. I’m with a woman who’s not like Chameli.”
I really don’t have the ultimate answer to that doubt or question. It certainly could seem to be the case that I’ve been lucky in finding a great woman, but here’s how it happened for me. I’ve had a lot of less lucky connections in my life. I’ve experienced my share of the manipulative side of the feminine: the victim, the rageful, the revengeful. A few weeks prior to meeting Chameli, my wife, something deep and profound shifted in myself, which I believe can shift for anyone in the same way.
3. “I don’t have a partner at all, and I sometimes doubt if I’ll ever meet anybody.”
Being with a partner where worship is not flowing, or not being with a partner at all, are basically two aspects of the same situation: you’ve had an intuition or a glimpse of the possibilities of feminine love, and you want more of it. The solutions are the same.
4. “I feel my heart is closed down. I live in my head a lot, and I wouldn’t even know what worship was if it broke into my house at 2 o’clock in the morning and held me at gunpoint.”
That’s where the whole thing starts for all of us, when we realize that we don’t yet know how to love. And that’s that the big question that you have to consider, dear brother: “Is that okay with you?”
Never mind how much money you make, no matter how nice a house you live in, or no matter how big a car you drive, no matter how impressive your partner’s bust size, or how much you meditate and become spiritual. . .have you loved for real, in a total and undefended way? If not, and here’s where you have to be honest with yourself, is that okay with you? Is it okay to die one day without the heart’s gift having been fully given?
Eight or nine years ago, I came to that question in myself, exactly that, and I discovered that the answer was, if I was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not okay. If I died one day without having fully loved, it would not have truly been a life well lived.
Read part 2 of this 3 part series: Peeling the petals: Uncovering the divine feminine in a woman’s heart.
Arjuna Ardagh is the founder of the Awakening Coaching Training and Awakening World Seminars. He is the author of seven books, including the 2005 #1 bestseller: The Translucent Revolution. He has been training facilitators of awakening since 1995 in more than 18 countries, and has been a speaker at many international conferences on business and consciousness. Arjuna teaches the “Deeper Love” seminar with his wife Chameli. Together they live in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of California, along with their two teenage sons. Visit Arjuna’s blog to discover more.
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