Monday, October 23rd 2017

A shout out to men: Why worshiping a woman will change your life

An Awakening coach urges men to cast off their relationship fears and open their hearts to the delicious rewards of woman-worship

Arjuna and Chameli

GUEST COLUMN: ARJUNA ARDAGH, part 1 of a 3 part series — A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post on Facebook before going to bed:

“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the sat guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”

When I woke up the next morning, there were the love offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on Facebook:

“Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I’m] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don’t, or instead to decide that, ‘I want that too,’ and, as you show, it is possible. . .

I was touched.

Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing:

“I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it.”

So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it’s the wisest thing that a man can do.

First of all, let’s pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I’m familiar with all of them.

1.    “I’m wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine.”

So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine.   The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds.

2.    “Arjuna, you’re lucky. You’ve got an incredible partner. I’m with a woman who’s not like Chameli.”

I really don’t have the ultimate answer to that doubt or question. It certainly could seem to be the case that I’ve been lucky in finding a great woman, but here’s how it happened for me. I’ve had a lot of less lucky connections in my life. I’ve experienced my share of the manipulative side of the feminine: the victim, the rageful, the revengeful. A few weeks prior to meeting Chameli, my wife, something deep and profound shifted in myself, which I believe can shift for anyone in the same way.

3.    “I don’t have a partner at all, and I sometimes doubt if I’ll ever meet anybody.”

Being with a partner where worship is not flowing, or not being with a partner at all, are basically two aspects of the same situation: you’ve had an intuition or a glimpse of the possibilities of feminine love, and you want more of it. The solutions are the same.

4.    “I feel my heart is closed down. I live in my head a lot, and I wouldn’t even know what worship was if it broke into my house at 2 o’clock in the morning and held me at gunpoint.”

That’s where the whole thing starts for all of us, when we realize that we don’t yet know how to love. And that’s that the big question that you have to consider, dear brother: “Is that okay with you?”

Never mind how much money you make, no matter how nice a house you live in, or no matter how big a car you drive, no matter how impressive your partner’s bust size, or how much you meditate and become spiritual. . .have you loved for real, in a total and undefended way? If not, and here’s where you have to be honest with yourself, is that okay with you? Is it okay to die one day without the heart’s gift having been fully given?

Eight or nine years ago, I came to that question in myself, exactly that, and I discovered that the answer was, if I was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not okay. If I died one day without having fully loved, it would not have truly been a life well lived.

Read part 2 of this 3 part series: Peeling the petals: Uncovering the divine feminine in a woman’s heart.

Arjuna Ardagh is the founder of the Awakening Coaching Training and Awakening World Seminars. He is the author of seven books, including the 2005 #1 bestseller: The Translucent Revolution. He has been training facilitators of awakening since 1995 in more than 18 countries, and has been a speaker at many international conferences on business and consciousness. Arjuna teaches the “Deeper Love” seminar with his wife Chameli. Together they live in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of California, along with their two teenage sons.  Visit Arjuna’s blog to discover more.

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8 Comments on “A shout out to men: Why worshiping a woman will change your life”

  1. Woman worship seems like a form of idolatry and disempowerment. Men often mistake women as goddesses only to find later that they are human. Woman worship is probably the number one killer of men . . . and visa versa.

  2. Worship here doesn't mean you consider yourself lower to the one who is worshiped. I think the author conveys through worship the idea of adoration, the veneration and the identification of the divine feminine in your wife/girlfriend. It goes both ways. Two people in love must have adoration for each other. You must be able to recognize the feminine and masculine powers in both yourself and your partner. Just believing oneself to be the male and the other to be the female or vice versa could lead the couple into problems. One is both Shiva and Shakti, one is composed of both the Anima and the Animus. When one is in a deep loving relationship one will realize that.

  3. I agree with Stephen Dubbs.
    No one should worship any other person as the only God and we should certainly not worship other socalled "gods" or "godesses" or human beïngs.
    Worship means total surrender to the one who is worshipped.
    Such an advice might work only for children under the age of 6, who should follow their almighty mother.
    To ask this from adult men, means making them like children: that means making them impotent and totally dependent of their wife, just like the western man-hating feminists want.

  4. Hey Stephen and Paul, I'll bet you are a real hit with the ladies. Or not! In any case you are both missing the point of the article. Swamy gets it. Both genders need to respect, honor and love each other. The article isn't about worshipping a "graven image" it's about appreciating the flesh and blood person in your life. Both men and women need to hear this message more often.

  5. But that clearly is not what he wrote. He used the word "worship" which implies surrendering to a higher power - in my mind. So yes I am confused as well as the men above. It is too one-sided. If there is not give and take in a relationship - both mutually loving and caring...then there is resentment. I do not like how this was written as it implies you have less value. How sad. Is she teacher and he is student? What are the real dynamics of this relationship? Give me an equal partner and that makes us both happy and secure. None of this worship stuff. That word is about as popular to me as the silly words "millionaire mindset" that is all over the internet now....blaugh..! lol...good conversations as always Soul's Code!

  6. I totally get what Arjuna is talking about here when it comes to worshipping your woman. He is not talking about it in the biblical sense or religious sense that many of you have taken it. He speaks of a very powerful distinction that if you can let go of your deepest fears within yourself and stand on your foundation of connectedness and love and be the unshakeable man that you really are... you will then see your woman as the Goddess she really is. All of the flaws and things we both use to distract one another just fall away and what's left standing is the most divine creature who's only purpose is to love and be loved and ravished in this way. If you do not choose to see this in your own life it is your own fault as you have not looked deep enough within yourself. You can be upset and hurt and blame the feminine all your life if you so choose and you will be right in doing so... because you have never really fully chosen to deeply take on yourself and your highest purpose here in this life. For if you did so you would stop blaming women for who they are and you would actually celebrate them for the challenge they represent! This dynamic will never change or ease up and if you fight it you will live a very difficult life. It's your choice! Women are the barometer for how you are really doing in your life in regards to being fearless and truly loving!

  7. Man or woman, when you surrender (worship) you OWN feminine AND maskuline side, you are able to appreciate, worship your partner - you are always equal of value and worth.......

    go behind/beyond the words ........allow yourself to feel the energy of this message.....

  8. I'm more with Swamy, Jean, Brad, Mariann, and Arjuna. I am a woman, and I've had a hard time with women in my life and with men. I've experienced childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and neglect. My potential for blame, for insecurity, for sexual, romantic, emotional PTSD, self-sabotage, and all other types of neurosis is enormous, and I am not looking to weigh the potential against anyone else's potential, but only as my own barometer for my own experiences and my own personal challenge to overcome it.

    Add to the difficulty of all this potential damage by both genders that I am fundamentally bisexual and have recognized it to some degree since the age of 8. Although the writer of the article and some comments are placing firm gender on the object of adoration, I see that we are all souls, and that it is the spirit that I fall in love with, not a boob size, or cut pecs, or receding hairlines, or curvy hips. These are form, not substance, in the language of love. So the only point of this paragraph is that I have found (from experience) that the message is universal regardless of your lover's gender.

    And I did overcome my history. When we strip the ego-centered hangups, the baggage, the nitpicking, the gender roles handed to us by society, the societal-sanctioned idea of what "beauty" is, there is only one true beauty, and only one true unconditional spiritual soul-deep romantic love. I shed my body, not just my clothes, when I step into the bed. It's my soul, my spirit, that makes love. It's my soul, my spirit, that loves with fire and passion and gives and gives until in a blinding crescendo the moment is spent and all that is left is the glow and the embrace and the gratitude for having touched another raw spirit.

    I worship both men and women as a REFLECTION of the divine -- we all are a reflection of the divine. How could we not be? EVERYTHING is of the divine. And whether it's me thanking the waitstaff for refilling my water or taking my partner into the bedroom, I recognize EVERY step of the way that there's more to everyone than this fleshy body form, that each of us is divine being, and that we're playing out an amazingly complicated dance that is overcomplicating the one universal truth at the core of it all:

    In the end all that REALLY matters is "Did I love enough?"

    You won't lay on your deathbed regretting that you didn't make another $500,000. You won't miss another day in the cubicle. You won't miss another traffic-filled commute.

    You will regret not having hugged your children more often. You will regret the fight you had with your partner last week. You will regret having missed another sunset while holding hands and making out. You'll regret the "one that got away". You will miss the moments when you could have loved -- more, more often, better, more clearly.

    To make that more complicated than it needs to be makes life more painful, and love a battlefield.

    Love more. We can never love enough. And that includes leaving someone if you truly are blocked by them from loving them. If they're really abusive, don't hesitate to go. You have to love yourself enough too.

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